i barfeds in our rink
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Randomize
