so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
