He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
I have already put on my inside pants.
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
I wear drunk well.
Randomize
