I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
