I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
Randomize
