i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
Let's paint friendship bongs
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
