just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize
