we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
Randomize
