How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
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