she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Randomize
