My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
