If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
