my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
Randomize
