no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
Randomize
