I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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