He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
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