i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
