i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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