Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
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