Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
I fill condoms, not promises.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
