he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
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