just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
