You can't special order awesome
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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