Moan for me like Helen Keller
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
