Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
Randomize
