i'm signing you up for texting rehab
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Randomize
