Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
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