I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
