i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
Randomize
