Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
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