So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
I just gargled with NyQuil
the raccoons are back...
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