i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
did i just pee glitter
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
