she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
Boobs are out for the taking
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
I just want to make out with him forever
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
Randomize
