and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
Randomize
