I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
