She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
Randomize
