we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
Randomize
