u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
