oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
Nobody cheats on THIS.
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Randomize
