Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
