you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
Randomize
