My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
Randomize
