Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
Randomize
