Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
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