Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Randomize
