He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
