her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
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