it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
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