my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
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