I seem to have left my pride at pride
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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