I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
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