the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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