You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
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