Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
Randomize
